you will fly ♥

I want to run out into the 

Night,

Let the ragged cold air

Tear at my face.

Rip at my lungs,

Make them burn.

Make my body become

Like the Human Torch.

*

I want to run

Out into the cold.

Run until I scream to stop.

And then run even more.

I want the air to scream

In my ears.

Demanding they get fed

The warmth burning through me.

*

I want to run,

Run so fast I trip over 

Uneven concrete.

Experience that feeling of

Imminent failure.

*

I have the cold out there,

But I want to hurt it.

Hurt it so it comforts me

And enrages me,

Endangers me.

And I want it

To hurt me.

*

I want to run

Run until I have nothing left,

Until the night has nothing left

For me to take.

Let the cold attack my face.

Through my clothes.

And let me attack it back.

I like it when our

Hands glance upon the other

And decide to stay a little longer.

Holding the other;

Sending secret messages.

*

I like it when our

Bodies bump the other

Gently,

And carefully.

*

I like it when you

Take me in,

And hug me by surprise.

It’s quite nice.

*

I like it when you

Hold me near,

It sends this golden feeling

Through my whole body.

*

I like it when you

Make me laugh,

Because it’s this 

Feeling of elation

That I enjoy the most.

*

I like it when you

Smile with your eyes.

And not just your lips move

But your whole face brightens.

*

I like it when we

Are together.

They’re always pretty wonderful times.

And I know I won’t remember

Every single time we had.

But for now,

They are our own.

The energy pounds through their veins

And the infectious feeling is heavy in the air,

Like a summer day’s humidity.

Thick enough to touch.

*

The music pumps through their ears.

It triggers a simple desire.

To unleash those dancing vibes,

In movement.

*

Lights bedazzle their eyes.

Harsher, more incessant than fireworks.

Intrusive, almost.

*

The strobe light flashes wildly,

Leaving revellers in its wake,

Feeling like they just watched each other

In slow motion.

*

And the carefree feeling takes over.

Forget about everything,

If it is only just for one night of darkness,

Pierced by bright lights,

Loud music,

And the crowd, dancing, as if controlled

By some incredible force.

I’m stuck in a land.

A land of one-way emails.

All my emails go one way,

But none come back.

*

In this land,

There are holes.

Little people-cut-outs.

The people I want to talk to:

That’s where they used to be.

*

Down past the cut-outs,

Is the park.

At the park,

There’s nobody there.

The swing’s still swinging, 

But they’ve vanished.

*

In this land,

Words build up

On my tongue

On the inside of my head

On any empty space.

*

I don’t mind

Being alone.

I just feel as if

All the people

I talk to normally, easily;

As if they’ve all disappeared.

*

And in this land,

It’s cold.

But just when you think

It’s warmed up

It gets cold again.

But there’s nobody there.

Nobody’s there to hug you.

To talk.

*

You’re stuck.

Stuck in this land,

A land like quicksand.

Where the more you try to get out,

The further entrapped you become.

“Devil’s Snare, Devil’s Snare….”It’s deadly fun, but will sulk in the sun!” That’s it! Devil’s Snare hates sunlight! ”

*

So really,

All I have to do

Is wait

For the sunshine to come out.

Thank you, Hermione.

Her name is Hana

And she is the

Only person I know

Who takes photographs of her dinner.

* 

We called her Hannah,

And we loved her from

The very start.

We tried to teach her as much as we could,

Like yodelling and war cries.

* 

Hana:

She was the warmest hug

On the coldest day.

The brightest smile & loveliest hello

Every single morning.

She’d let nothing

Bring her down.

* 

Oh, Hana, my dear,

When it did,

We stood by you.

We held you

Through the roughest times.

* 

Hannah:

She is the girl who

Loves the little things in life.

Like seeing a wild koala for

The first time.

Like standing on a beach

Toes playing with the sand,

Breeze playing with her hair.

Times like these:

You can’t take the grin from her face

And it’s contagious.

*

Hana:

Oh, how she loves the seaside.

How the beach nearly

Passed her by.

“Australia! The land of beaches!”

She cried.

Swimming in the surf,

Towing each other downhill,

And catching our jump

The very first time.

* 

Hana, my darling.

You wouldn’t have thought

One person

Could change your life so much

In nine months.

We didn’t think it,

When we first met her.

We just knew that she

Was something not to be missed.

Oh, how we cried on

Those last days.

I think I cried

More then, than I have for

A very long time.

*

Hana,

Looking back

On those photos,

On the memories that

Were captured in our hearts;

Writing this poem.

I felt something tangible should be created,

Something for me and you

That we can both keep.

 *

She is Hana;

More enchanting than sunshine,

Sweeter than life itself.

The most beautiful person.

Inside, and out.

Mention fleetingly that
you’re going to friend’s house.
You’re not really,
Are you?
*
Instead, you turn left, along the path;
Not right, towards the village.
You’re going towards the forest.
The magical forest.
Your mother says it’s off limits.
What she doesn’t know,
Won’t ever hurt her.
*
You reach the edge of the forest.
It’s dark in there
And cool.
Taking out your
Jacket from your bag,
You slip off your shoes
And put them into the bag,
Along with the sketch pad
And pastel blue pencil case.
*
You know the sweet spot.
Tip toe,
Barefoot on the cool, dry leaves.
Quietly;
It’s like there’s
A big do not disturb sign.
You here a bird chirp here,
Nervous scurrying there.
*
Suddenly a strong wind
Picks up.
Blows, almost howling.
Awakens the whole forest
The loose leaves,
Now floating around your knees,
The trees, now alive.
Watching.
*
You’re nearly there.
It’s a small clearing.
Like Jacob’s Ladder,
A patch of sun
Shines upon the grass
Between gnarled old
Maple Tree roots.
*
You sit, and lean against one.
Now you watch silently
And wait.
You take out your pad and pencils.
You run a pale hand over the roots,
Then sketch them.
You sketch the critters
That scurry with
Such nervous haste.
*
The trees;
The entire forest.
In all its beauty,
It’s your one spot
To truly call your own.
Where by taking off your shoes,
You can feel the leaves,
Feel her breaths;
Beneath your feet.
It’s your place
Where you
Can feel alive.

But you are

The reason.

These problems:

You created them.

*

I just manifest them

Unhealthily.

And I don’t know

How to stop,

Or what to do.

*

It was like every

Moment was leading

To something colossal.

Something huge.

*

But something

Huge for me,

Or for you?

I think, 

It was something huge

For me,

To hear you say what you said.

*

Huge, but not in a good way.

To know

That maybe,

Everything I thought we had,

But never actually

Physically had,

That maybe all that

Was an

Illusion.

*

That makes you

The master of Illusion.

Because I fell pretty

Damn hard for you.

*

It felt different.

Like it was two-ways.

But I guess

That’s what happens when

I think somebody

Likes me back.

They actually like

Somebody else.

*

And I’m pushed

To the back,

Like the dented can,

Or the misshapen fruit.

*

Where the contents

Aren’t all that bad.

But the outside

Is what 

They judge it on.

*

But maybe

We can get back

What we had.

And maybe

The reason we can’t get

There yet

Is because of me.

*

So 

Let’s

Change 

That then,

Shall we?

I wish you

were here

right now.

*

Regardless of the temperature,

Just

Holding me close.

Making me feel

Golden and electrified.

With this sweet euphoria

Sweeping my arms.

*

You,

Murmuring in your

Quiet voice,

The one I abuse,

I talk to you quietly

So that you’ll reply

Just as quietly.

So that I hear

The smooth voice.

Whisper to me

That things’ll get better.

*

That my problems,

Weren’t mine three days ago.

That other people

Have been going

Through worse for longer.

Or suffer in a different way.

*

And that the best comfort they have

Is for wishing for moments

Like these.

Ones we can only protect

Together.

Bricks hold the 

Day’s warmth.

But the air’s contrastingly

Cool and fresh.

*

The stars are

Out tonight.

Despite the city lights

And the clouds,

They shine on.

*

Oh, how I wish

I had the courage 

Of the stars;

To continually shine,

Even when they

Have so much to stop them

From being big

And bright in my

Night sky.

But before the gloomy

Goings on from about 9:00pm 

Onwards,

There were actually quite

A lot of nice things

That happened between you and I.

*

Urged by quite a few

To flirt,

I tried.

And it was better than nothing.

At first it was an itchy ankle,

In chunky wedges

On mud.

So I held your arm

For balance,

And you put your hand over mine,

And whispered if I was alright.

*

We sat by the fire,

Roasting marshmallows

Watching other people

Throw far too many sticks 

Onto the flame.

I kept trying to dissuade you

From spreading the embers,

And you kept telling me to trust you.

*

A couple of times

I slipped my arm around your waist.

Once, you even slipped yours back.

I put my head on your shoulder,

But you stepped out from underneath me.

*

Another time,

You turned,

Grabbed my shoulders in the way you do.

A ‘What are you doing?!’ way,

With one of my arms already around your waist.

I had nothing to do with the 

Other one, so it came around your waist too.

So our legs were touching,

My arms around you,

Your arms on my shoulders.

*

The loveliest part,

Was when dinner was ready.

And not just because of the food.

Everybody else left,

With just me and you.

I had a fire prong and didn’t know where to put it.

You put your hand out behind you,

So I held it.

And you held back,

Your fingers wrapped around

And over mine;

Murmuring where to place the prongs.

You let go first.

And my fingers dissolved through

The smoky air,

With that warm sweet feeling

Rocketing through my arm.

*

Because on the up-side,

There are a great many things.

Things I ignored for the

2 hour gloom later endured.

It’s the whole

Glass half-full conundrum.

There were more happier times

Than self-reflective,

Static ones.

I just felt so numb for the second half of last night.

My mind was static, and empty.

The thing I’d always feared.

Now it’s reality.

What am I going to do now?

*

The smoky smell

Lingers in my hair.

The dusty memories

of the night before

Linger in my mind,

Tangled, like the smoky tendrils

That reached to the stars.

*

I had an odd dream

Last night.

It was full of questions

That we asked each other.

We decided to go live in Stockholm, 

Over other cities of the world.

And I said, in the closing seconds

“I have one more question. 

Will you come with me forever?” 

And you said yes.

*

How different 

From last night’s conversation.

I came, and left

Intermittently.

But what I gathered was more than enough.

*

I could be positive

And say, well, at least I

Know that you’re out of the grey area.

But what do I do

With these accumulated feelings?

I know I can’t throw them out.

*

And I know, somehow,

That you’ll still treat me the same.

As if I didn’t overhear your conversation

By the bonfire.

*

So while the smoke

May linger,

And the memories join in,

I know I won’t forget you.

I know I have to keep going.

For me.

This time, not for you.

*

Besides,

We’ll still be friends.

Right?

…

…

…

…

We will, won’t we?

Well, darling,

It’s been fun.

The times we’ve had

And the memories we’ve shared.

*

But if you’re gonna leave,

Let me tell you one thing.

You’ve left before

And still expect us to stay.

*

But this time,

You’ve gone too far.

You sit there with your cool

Girlfriends.

You tell them how much they mean to you.

*

Well, sweet cheeks,

Two can play at that game.

And I’ll just keep on going.

I’ll keep talking.

I’ll not stop saying hello to you

In front of them.

Because your reaction

Is priceless.

*

But darling,

It’s been fun.

Thanks for the memories.

And thanks for the times we shared.

I think

I saw you

In my dreams last night,

Sailing over an inky

Black sea, full of

The wishes and hopes

Of the dreamers.

 *

I think

I saw you

In my dreams last night

As we flew together

Over cities, asleep

But for their lights.

 *

I think

I heard you

In my dreams last night.

As you read to me

My favourite book.

 *

I know

You held me,

That sad November day.

And you turned and saw

Me crying;

I saw some shock or sadness

In your eyes.

But then you just moved over

Silently and held me.

 *

And I replay it.

Over.

And over.

And over again.

 *

Until it’s so worn out:

Like an old video,

That it doesn’t play clearly

Anymore. As if there’s a haze,

Or fog on the rear view

Mirror of the car of life.

 *

I’m not sure

If I imagined it,

Or it actually did happen.

I know it happened, though.

It’s just the feeling

I get sometimes,

About old memories that

I obsessively dwell upon.

That I continually rewind

And repeat.

 *

That poem

Was about you:

I remember, from a few

Years ago.

My,

How things have changed.

 *

I know

I see you day in, day out.

But not a day goes by,

When I don’t see something

In your eyes,

Something gentle,

And lingering.

I don’t know

What it is.

But please,

Keep it up.

 *

I think

In my sleep tonight,

There will be dreams

Of all kinds.

All

Simply marvellous kinds.

I watched you arrive,

From the ridge, overlooking the mountains.

You came up

The steep hill,

And talked to your friends.

 *

I felt so awkward,

You there with your ex.

Who flirts with you

More visibly

Than I do.

 *

I can’t help feeling we could’ve had it all…

 *

 I’m dancing & singing like

I’m intoxicated,

Loud music reverberating

Off high ceilings.

 *

When more people have arrived,

And things calm down for a bit,

We do talk,

And I fall

Into your eyes.

 *

In the arms of an angel; fly away from here…

 *

Sitting in an

Uncomfortable spot

On the couch.

See you standing by the doorway.

Our eyes touch

Ever, ever so briefly.

And we both look away.

As if it didn’t happen.

At the end of the song,

I move to stand on

The other side of the door.

 *

Somewhere, deep inside, something’s got a hold on you…

 *

It sounds so cliché

But we were separated

By a curtain,

And a door.

But through the song,

We both slightly moved

Towards each other.

Until I was

Half-leaning on you

Through the curtain.

And even when you shifted slightly

I had that feeling

Of warmth and comfort.

Even though we

Were barely touching.

And when I turned around

To talk to you,

You were right there,

Your blue eyes looking straight

Into my brown.

And if I ever felt like I

Had no reason to

Hold on for any longer.

That would be one of them

That’d make me hold on.

 *

It’ll all get better in time…

 *

I don’t know why

I still hold onto these dim hopes

But I was asked by

People who didn’t know

If we were dating.

And while I acted outwardly

As if this idea was rather

A bad one.

Inside,

It was opposite.

 *

Dinner was odd.

We shared a piano stool

And ate,

Talking the whole way.

But I think,

That there is something

You’ve told your ex.

Something I probably shouldn’t know.

And she’s no good

With secrets,

Or not letting things on.

 *

You can count on me, like 1, 2, 3, I’ll be there…

 *

Then we got to the

Special part of the night.

The cake and the singing.

You scooped ice-cream into a bowl

And someone else stuck their hand in

And scooped it right back out again.

 *

You have this glint in your eye,

That makes me feel like

Sometimes, you know what I’m thinking.

Like how I asked a friend if she was alright,

And she avoided the topic, a bit too much.

I lowered my eyes once she left,

Knowing that sometimes, you can try

But it doesn’t always work out.

And you looked at me

With that look of yours.

With your expressive eyes.

 *

It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose…

 *

I’m getting

More and more tired

And somehow

We find ourselves

Jammed next to each other

On a very squishy couch.

And my head just lays

On your shoulder.

I have to keep

Myself from falling asleep.

Because I could’ve,

So very easily.

 *

It’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do…

*

I want you to stay.

I don’t want to let you go.

But holding on like this,

It’s just not healthy.

We shouldn’t be in between.

There should be a defined line.

But while we’re in the grey area,

I may as well

Appreciate your charm.

I saw

A lady yesterday.

She walked with long,

Firm, strides.

High ponytail. Shoulders back.

She walked as if

She knew what she wanted to do:

With purpose.

She didn’t stop

To look around.

 Wasted no time.

 *

I saw

An old man yesterday

Who looked like

He had seen more adventures

Than those in a story book.

He had a wistful look

About him, as if

He was excited to know

The adventures that beheld

Others still fresh on their path.

 *

I saw

A young woman yesterday

Who looked worried.

She hugged herself,

With her head down,

Examining the laces on her shoes.

And when she did look up,

It was the face of a person who

Had lost hope.

Whose eyes were dull with

Sadness & fear.

Fear, I think

Of the unknown.

Sadness at whatever

Unfortunate obstacle was

Unfolding in her life.

 *

I saw

A little boy yesterday.

He had the biggest grin

On his face.

Playing, and completely carefree.

And any problem he had

Could be fixed by a kiss from Mum.

 *

I saw

All these people at the park.

All these completely different

People, whose lives were

All brought together,

If only for a short time

Out of their entire lives

On this planet, to this

One park,

In this one small town.

And I wonder

If anybody’s lives were

Changed from that visit.

 *

I saw

People going about

Their daily lives,

Their normal routine.

And I wonder if

Any of them knew

That I was watching.

Or if any of them

Watched me.

Watching them.

As they walked

Around at

The park.